Hope for the Depressed Woman: Week 1

by July 13, 2015

I am excited to start a new series this week! For the next few weeks I will be sharing my personal experience with depression. I don’t share this to glorify myself or to give medical or physical advice (I’m not a doctor or counselor), but I share from a deep place of my heart that once ached with feelings that I could not understand. God has freed me from depression and I hope sharing my personal experience will encourage you if you have struggled in this area of life.

Depression: Week 1 – SLOW DOWN

I hung up the phone and dropped to the floor as if someone had died. Even the flies in the room froze in a moment of silence. The sobbing was uncontrollable. Barely able to catch my breath I crawled to the living room as I tried to get myself together. My little girl toddled over to me and plopped into my lap.

“Mama sad?” She said.

“No, Mama’s ok, baby. Mama’s ok.”

My brain was muddy and my eyes were glazed. I could barely remember what day it was. I picked up the phone and texted my husband one simple sentence,

“I’m not okay.”

That sentence has gone down in the books as a moment of history in our family. I was anything but okay in that moment. I was a woman on the very edge of a major break down.

I felt like everything in my world was spinning so fast. I had tried for a very long time to keep up, and somehow managed to keep things in some sort of order, but I was quickly crumbling beneath the weight of my life. Life looked good from the outside. I had two little girls and an amazing husband. We had recently purchased our first home. Basically, I had everything except the white picket fence. It was brown.

The front door squeaked as Rob, my sweet husband opened it. He came in quickly only to find me crying, sitting in the fetal position rocking back and forth. It was like a scary movie. I’m sure at this moment he was probably thinking where is my wife and what did you do with her. I was a complete mess of tears and despair.

He held me as my body thrashed with every tear and I cried like I never had before. I tried to gather my emotions and stand to my feet, but I dropped to the floor again in an uncontrollable emotional fit. I could not verbalize what was going through my mind. I wanted my husband to help me snap out of it, to fix the broken parts of me, or tell me it was okay to feel so crazy.

It was never my intention to become someone who was completely out of my mind, but in this moment I wondered what in the world was wrong with me. Why was I such a basket case? Sometimes life brings difficult circumstances that drag us to a deep place, and other times we cause the craziness by over committing and filling up our schedule. There are other times in life when we can’t quite put our finger on the problem. Tears, sadness, feeling down…

It was official, I was depressed.

Between the hormonal changes of a new baby, some difficult family issues, and living life at the constant pace of hurry, I had officially taken myself to the edge of a mental and emotional breakdown.

We all have seasons of life when we need to take a break, rest or retreat for a little while. It could be a major change, loss, health issues, an emotional need, or just the mundane of a busy life. If you are constantly rushing ahead to the next thing, take it from a sister who pushed forward a little too long, SLOW DOWN! It is okay to say no. It is okay to not attend every event. It is okay to order pizza for dinner and use paper plates. It is okay to cry. It is okay to not do it all. It is okay to not feel okay.

Take a deep breath and slow down. Be home. Rest.

The phone call that sent me to the floor was not an earth shattering call, but it hit me at a fragile moment when I didn’t even know that I was fragile. If you think, “It could never happen to me,” be careful. I thought the same thing. We all need rest. So go ahead, slow down and rest.

If you are in the midst of crying fits, fetal positions and thoughts that make you wonder what’s wrong with you, there is hope! I pray this series will be an encouragement and help to you! You, my dear friend, are going to be okay!

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30 (KJV)

One lesson I have learned that has kept me from returning to the fetal position on the living room floor is to slow down and go to Jesus. Rest is found in Jesus alone. Depression tells us we are crazy. Jesus tells us we need rest.

Love & Blessings,

Micah

If this is an encouragement to you, pass it on! You don’t have to hide behind your white picket fence and squeaky screen door. There is hope! I hope you’ll join me again next Sunday night as I share another peak inside my own experience with depression and the lessons God taught me along the way.

Don’t forget to share this with someone you love!

About Micah Maddox

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  1. MIcah, although I have not been under the spell of depression for a long time reading your words reminds me of how all enveloping it can be. Praise be to God for the peace, freedom, and healing I have received from HIM. Sharing because I know others will be blessed by this wonderfully written piece!

    1. Nancy, I’m so thankful that you have been set free! I hope many others will find the hope and peace that we share!

    2. I, too, Have been where u were. I suffered post Partum psychosis after my second child. In many ways I am a different person, even eight years later now. I will enjoy reading this series! Thank u!

      1. Autumn, thank you for sharing your experience! So many women suffer in silence. I’m so thankful you are doing well! I hope to see you here again!

      2. I too, am different. I often thought I will be better when I got to be my self before. There was only one way and that was thorough the valley.

        1. I understand, Gina. I’m thankful to be on the other side and I hope and pray for deliverance for those who are walking through the valley right now.

          1. Amen I am in agreement with you. In some ways I still deal with depression but. it isn’t like the beginning.

  2. Thank you for doing this series. I just signed up for your emails last week after coming across your site. I also went through another extreme bout of depression in my life last week and through crying out to God in my total weakness and admitting to my husband that I wasn’t well…God began to unfold the layers of darkness causing my depression. He always helps me!! I am so thankful! But I am ready to be delivered for good! I was shocked and blessed to see your topic for this series since I just learned of your site. My husband and I just read it together. It helps him to know what depression is really about since he’s never suffered from it. I’m looking forward to the rest of the series. God bless!

    1. God knows exactly what we need when we need it. I’m praying for healing and peace for you! One day at a time…

  3. This series will be so helpful to SO many who deal with this crippling condition. What’s hardest of all is admitting you are, or recognizing the signs of depression. I was dealing with this many years ago, but didn’t come to understand what I was dealing with until months later. I remember, also, that it was a great time of reflection, self evaluation, and most of all, seeing my Lord working in my life. Thank you for sharing this!

    1. Jackie, thanks for sharing! Yes, I agree, the hardest part is realizing what you are dealing with. Praying for many women who might not know what to do or where to turn. I hope you and your family are doing well! Great to hear from you!

  4. Hey Micah,

    Good morning. I came over on the Mommy Moments link up today. I also followed you on Twitter and Liked your FB page. I added your pin here: https://www.pinterest.com/melredd/blog-link-parties-and-blog-link-ups/

    I’m sad to hear about your depression, but I’m grateful you are willing to write and talk about it. So many will benefit from your posts! I believe God will use you in a mighty way~

    I pray God will fill your heart with much joy today.
    Blessings,
    Melanie

    1. Melanie, thank you so much for reading and following! I can only share through God’s strength. Talking about my own experience is a vulnerable place. I’m praying it is a help to someone who is searching for help. Have a great day! I’m so glad to meet you!

  5. Micah, you “just happen” to be my neighbor at Laura’s today. I have been through depression during part of the 15 years I cared for my aging and dementia-riddled mother. It took a Rheumatologist that I saw regularly for Fibromyalgia to recognize the symptoms as he had been a caregiver for his father for years. He knew. But I did not. I am beyond depression now and so very grateful. I did not have the fetal position period, but I certainly had tears and sobbing and needing to be held and learn to slow down, to trust others to help me with Mama, etc. The main lesson was, as yours, leaning on Jesus, laying my burdens down at His feet.
    Thank you for being so open with this as there are many who need to know that they are not alone.
    Caring through Christ, ~ linda

    1. Linda, you are just precious. I can hear your sweetness through your sincere words. I’m so thankful that you are free! Laying those burdens down every single day, resting in Him alone. It is an encouragement to me to hear your story! Thank you!

  6. Thank you for starting this series. When I was in the deepest part of my depression I would have been greatly encouraged by this post. I am encouraged today that it is okay for me to rest and to make time for what I enjoy in the chaos of being the mom of little ones (one is on the autism spectrum).God bless you.

  7. Thank you for these beautiful and honest words today. God gave you this story and because you are sharing it, He must know there are many who will benefit from your experience. We are blessed that you shared this at The Weekend Brew.

  8. What an inspiration for you to help others who are going through this. I think sometimes we think we have it all under control, but ultimately God is in control. I am so excited for your series on this! Thanks for sharing with #SocialButterflySunday this week! Hope to see you link up again this Sunday :)

  10. Your writing is a blessing, Micah. I’m so glad your husband was on the other end of the phone that day to receive your text and come home to comfort you. I will look forward to reading more of your journey as you add to this series. Your neighbor at Purposeful Faith …

  11. Micah – Thank you for your raw honesty and transparency in sharing about your experience. Sadly many have similar experiences, but feel shame, or lonliness and no one wants to talk about them. By you sharing and being open about what you went through, I pray others are touched, blessed, and set free as well. Stopping by from Tell it to me Tuesday.

    1. Debbie, I’ve spoken with so many who are afraid and ashamed. Suffering in silence only complicates the problem. Praying many will be drawn to the Lord and seek the help they need.

  12. Hi Micah,
    I am so thrilled you are sharing your story. So many of us have been where you were, myself included. I am looking forward to following your series! I’m so glad I met you before through a link-up and then saw you again at GiveMeGrace this week! I will be praying God uses your words on this topic to give hope to sweet friends in this most difficult place!
    Blessings and smiles,
    Lori

  13. I need this blog so much!! Praying everyday just to feel normal again. Your advice is always a blessing to me!! Looking forward to next weeks! Brenda

  14. Beautiful! I know a lot of women who battle with depression. I will make sure they see this series. Thank you for your vulnerability. It’s so good as women to be open and honest with one another. This helps us feel connected in community as we point one another back to the cross. Blessings to you my friend as I sip on my coffee and thank God for His goodness in your life. He carries us all! <3 Amy

  15. It can be any one of us at any point in life. So grateful your post brings this out. I would just add, we need to be mindful that some may need to see a professional in addition to prayer, to bring lasting stability. You have shared with a transparency which will help others to open up about depression as well. Blessings!

    1. Joanne, yes I agree! We will discuss that in another post in this series. Thank you for reading and your input!

  16. Thank you for sharing with such honesty and encouragement. None of us are immune to what depression can do. Your words have encouraged me to see rest and health before I hit the floor. Thanks for using your story to help others and to glorify God.

  17. What a beautiful example of using our weaknesses to His glory. I can only imagine how many ladies will find encouragement through your vulnerability. Depression has a genetic component and it runs heavily through my family, so I’ve had some run-ins with it myself. It’s so inexplicable. You can’t really make sense of how you feel, you just know you’re “not okay.” Will pray for God to draw ladies to this series who need to hear these words of strength and encouragement. (( Hug )) ~ Blessings ~

  18. Micah, I have been there in the fetal position. I have thought I was crazy. Thank you for the reminder that it is ok to say no. It is ok to just be and rest in Christ. He carries us through. Thank you for your honesty. Visiting from #TellHisStory. (If you ever need contributors on this topic, let me know:).

  19. Beautifully written! What a story of inspiration and hope! I love your encouragement to be home, rest, and slow down! I need a dose of this advice and encouragement! Thank you for the blessing you arte to others and for sharing this on Making Memories Mondays! I am looking forward to the whole series! :-)
    Cathy@threekidsandafish

  20. Dear Micah,

    I found you through Lyli’s link up at Thought Provoking Thursday. Two things pulled me to click your link… your sweet smile and your title. I was intrigued and interested to know what you may write about such a tough and sensitive topic.

    There was a time I was where you described yourself. I know how I got there and I know the bleh that it felt like to live in it. I also know that I was able to crawl my way to hope by doing exactly what you suggested, RUN to Jesus! It obviously isn’t as simple as bam it was fixed, there were a lot of things that had to happen… hormones were literally making me crazy, life circumstances were pressing hard, hope seemed non-existent…. BUT GOD. He never gave up on me. Isn’t that the real story? He doesn’t give up on us but continues to lead us and love us so that we can lead and love others, like you are doing.

    I pray that your words will touch hearts with this message of hope. It is a good message and thanks for sharing yours.
    Blessings,
    Dawn

    1. Dawn, thank you so much for sharing your own experience with this dreadful topic. It’s never fun to walk through the valley, but you’re right – God never stops leading us and loving us! Thanks for praying for the women who need to hear that there is hope in Jesus!

  21. Bless you, Micah, for breaking the silence and sharing this part of your story. You may know that I recently wrote a series about loving someone who has depression–being a sojourner with a spouse who suffers. It’s a difficult illness and affects the entire family. Adding you and yours to my prayers today.

  22. Just shared this with a couple of young wives who just had babies, one works, the other doesn’t. And I so remember feeling this way a few times. In fact I always get depressed after we have visit my Mom or our daughter who lives far away. For about three days I am really down and I on purpose draw back, rest a lot, watch some of my favorite programs, read some great post and veg on Jesus. I think one of the first steps is to admit we are depressed which takes courage. You can admit you can admit you have cancer and get compassion and tons of encouragement but admitting depression is hard because we think it is a lesser illness. This was a great post and thank you for doing this series on depression, greatly needed.

  23. Thank you for being willing to share your experience. I praise God for His faithfulness and how He has seen you through the dark times. I can certainly relate to the feeling of “crazy.” Depressed people are not crazy – that is a lie from the enemy and you are well within your rights to tell it to “get lost!” In the name of Jesus.

  24. “Rest is found in Jesus alone. Depression tells us we are crazy. Jesus tells us we need rest.”

    Love this!! This is going to be a wonderful series for so many. Thank you for sharing your story! (visiting from Grace & Truth)

  25. Visiting from Three Kids and a Fish Making Memories Monday. Congrats on your feature. This post is very inspiring for so many who are or have been what you write about. My daughter too suffered a depression after her second child and received the help she needed. As her mama it was difficult to not be able to fix it for her. But, she is doing well now, thank the Lord. Will be looking forward to your series and will be sure to share it with others as the need arises. Many women are suffering in silence and it doesn’t have to be that way. Nice to meet you Micah.

  26. “Depression tells us we are crazy. Jesus tells us we need rest.” Words can’t thank you enough for this post! I look forward to following this series! You are making a difference in the lives of others! Thank you!

    1. Holly, thanks for reading! You are so very welcome! God gets all the glory! I’m praying this series touches lives and spreads the hope of Jesus!

  27. May I be so selfish and ask for prayer? I’ve been struggling with depression for over 3 years now. I think I’ve lost my mind! What’s worse is I believe my problem is I’ve been unwilling to surrender my will to God’s will. I lack trust.
    Thank you and may God bless you ladies! ♡

    1. I will pray for you! Please seek help! and surrender – completely surrender to God. That’s where freedom is. Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.

  28. Micah, thank you for being so transparent and bravely sharing your heart. I know so many women were impacted by this series.

  30. Micah,

    Depression is such a hard thing. Love what you said that depression tells us we are crazy, but Jesus tells us we need rest. Great word! Love your willingness to share your story on such a misunderstood topic.

  32. Hello Micah, I’ ve just discovered your blog . I ‘ m very glad I found someone who has similar problems as me. Your article is inspiring. I’m coming from Slovenia ( Europe) and for many years I’ ve been dealing with depression and anxiety. I feel so lost and scared in life and sometimes i feel I will never overcome my problems. I pray constantly, but when the times are hard I loose all hope. I have a loving boyfriend and family but sometimes I feel noone understands me.

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