Motherhood: It’s Not a Competition

by June 22, 2015

You see her in the super market, perfect hair, fresh make-up, kids dressed to perfection, and a matching diaper bag and car seat. Surely that adorable bag cost a small fortune. She must have an amazing husband too. He probably makes a lot of money and she can buy anything she wants. It’s not fair. Who has time to get herself looking like a supermodel to go grocery shopping? And those shoes her kids were wearing, they looked brand new. Does she even allow them to play outside?

Feeling totally invisible next to her, I swiftly pass by hoping she doesn’t see me. Right at that moment I run over my oldest’s toe with the shopping cart. With a loud excruciating scream she hollers, “Mooooooooom! My toe!” If no one had noticed us before, now, we were the center of attention. As I try to calm my screaming child and tell her to quiet down, all in the same moment looking around to see who is watching us, and hoping not to see anyone from church, one of my other children starts up with questions about what happened and then my baby starts fussing. I was mortified. How embarrassing. Could we please just get out of here? But I needed groceries. I mean, we cannot eat cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner again tomorrow. We have to at least get milk since we had to eat dry cereal this morning.

Thinking of only the necessary items that we can’t live without, I rush the children through the aisles grabbing what I can before any more embarrassment, promising them a lollipop if they will just hush up and stick together. We get what we need and hustle to the check out. As I dig in my black hole of a purse sifting through Cheerios, half eaten Nutri-grain bars, and goldfish crackers I eventually find my wallet. I open it up and realize my debit card, which I always pay with, is missing. Of course I don’t have cash and we had recently decided to cut up all credit cards.

With my cart full of groceries I had just gone to combat with the world to collect, I had no way to pay for them. I closed my wallet, looked up, refrained from screaming at the top of my lungs, and then I saw her. There she was, Mrs. Perfect playing peacefully with her adorable, silent children, smiling patiently as my crazy crew chomped at the bit fighting back the urge to touch everything in sight, remembering a lollipop awaits if they will just behave. I calmly told the cashier I would have to come back at another time because I had somehow misplaced my debit card. Oh dear me.

I walked out of the store defeated. Defeated as a mother, a caregiver, a shopper, a wife, a homemaker, a woman. I had always thought of myself as quite a shopper, but today grocery shopping wasn’t my strong point. I couldn’t seem to get anything right that day. It was official – I was a failure. And I really needed a nap. No, seriously, I was exhausted by 10am in more ways than one. All of my energy was sucked dry and I had no idea how to muster up any good vibes to make it through the day with a hint of a smile. I needed an attitude adjustment, a mind makeover, a literal makeover and a big hug.

Maybe you too have had a few moments that drive you to an irrational screaming fit or maybe you can just look over my shoulder at my chaos and chuckle.

If you happen to find yourself struggling for your sanity, SLOW DOWN! God never says, “Rush! Carry all of your children to the grocery store. Freak out when they aren’t perfect. Compare yourself to every mom in sight and before you go out in public make sure you look amazing.”

He does say,

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

What’s a mom to do when she’s going to combat with the world for her sanity over a box of cereal and a carton of milk?

1. Slow down. Maybe your schedule is too hectic for your season of life. Consider minimizing your extra responsibilities.

2. Don’t compare your rough day with anyone else’s good day. All moms have moments they would like to redo. Mrs. Perfect does not exist so don’t try to be her.

And watch out for toes as you push the shopping cart.

Love & Blessings,

Micah

P.S. Grocery shopping has gotten much easier now that all of our children can buckle their own seat belts, get in and out of the van, stay together and carry the grocery bags into the house. If I could go back in time, I would have slowed down and sent my husband to the grocery store. Ha! My moments look a bit different now, but I am still working on slowing down and not comparing myself. Will you join me?

Have you had a crazy mommy moment? Was rushing or comparison a factor? I would love to hear from you! Share your thoughts by commenting below. Don’t forget to SHARE this with a mom who needs a little encouragement.

About Micah Maddox

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  1. We may see the “perfect” mom who looks like she has it altogether. We also do not know what goes on behind the scenes. The person she really is along with her children. While she and her children may have nice clothes and all, they may possibly be in debt or behind on other bills. Her husband might possibly be the biggest jerk ever. I am most definitely thankful for all God has given me!

    Alot of people call me “super mom”. I laugh and smile every time because they don’t know how I really feel inside or what I just had to deal with at home with one of my rotten children.

    1. So true. The outside can definitely be deceiving. Keeping our eyes on Jesus is the best option. Not always easy, but so worth it! Thanks for sharing, Christina!

  2. Stopping by from the mommy moments link up. It’s easy to start comparing ourselves to others but I always try to snap myself out of it. It’s usually those that appear to have it all together aren’t always as the seem on the outside. As long as we are are loving and providing for our children we as moms all have our fair share of days. I’m always rushing in the grocery store and it usually amounts to me forgetting something. You’re right slow down. We should all enjoy the experiences we do have whether they be good or bad, all put together or not. Winks and Eyerolls

    1. Thanks for stopping by! I love the old saying, “You can’t judge a book by its cover.” Put together or not, every mom needs encouragement. Sierra, I’m sure you are a great mom! Have a great day! And I’ll be slowing down as we head into a week of Vacation Bible School! Or at least I’ll try! ;)

  3. A very timely reminder about parenting and doing the best we can. It’s definitely not meant to be a competition!

    Great to find you via Three kids and a Fish.

    Best wishes,
    Natasha in Oz

  4. It is true…when you slow down and are not in a hurry you sometime avoid crazy situations and I think you sometimes handle things differently. Thank you for being transparent in your story..I’m sure it is helping somebody.

  5. I could completely relate to this! Letting go of comparison is so key as a mom. I really think it helps us to be free to be who we are. Have a wonderful day!

  7. I love that story. My hubby and I don’t have kids yet, but I always feel for the mamas in the grocery store who are wrestling their kiddos. I can’t imagine how hard that is! Thanks for the encouraging message that comparing will never lead to joy!

    1. Lauren, there’s lots of amazing, precious moments with the little people God puts in our care, but then there are other moments. Haha! I’m learning more and more it’s mostly about my attitude. Kids aren’t perfect, and neither are moms. I’m sure you will be an amazing mom one day!

  8. Visiting from rara linkup – loved your post. I am now a grandmother and oh that comparison stuff comes right back. If we would just spend more time loving and less time fretting, we would see more of the memories that are being made. :)

  9. Micah, this post brings back so many memories of days with so many kids in the shopping cart there was barely room for groceries. We live quite a distance from town as well, so I always tried to “combine trips,” meaning that along with the shopping marathon, I would then go to piano lessons, the library, and whatever else needed doing. What was I thinking????
    Everyone is a teen now, and I still have the tendency to try to squeeze too much into one day, but God is teaching me that I need to slow down and look into my kids’ faces (and His), because time is precious and so are they.

  10. I live in your world, Micah… and misery loves company! I’ve learned that whenever I’m comparing myself to anyone, my focus is no longer on my Savior. Thank you for sharing your beautiful, light-hearted, and meaningful message with us! I will especially remember the SLOW DOWN part today.

  12. Visiting from Women With Intention. Errands with kids – not one of the easiest tasks on my weekly list! Slowing down and refusing to compare are great things to remember. Just this week the checker at the grocery commented on how keeping track of “a lot of help” (and they wern’t even all with me!) was like trying to herd cats. Thankfully, she had a kind voice and an understanding face; her next words were, “on days like this you just have to take a deep breath and smile.” That was the best thing she could have said!

    1. Love that! Thanks for your sharing your moment with me! Sometimes it’s the simple things that make us slow down and smile.

  13. Wonderful story and great advice, Micah! When my older daughter was little, she never stopped moving, not ever! She’d literally jump down the aisles at Wal-Mart with both feet, slowed not at all by the flip flops she always wore. Then we’d get up to the checkout counter and see the mom with five sedate little kids patiently waiting in line, and I’d wonder, “How does that even happen?” :-) Now that my daughter is 13, she no longer jumps down the aisles, but I do give her half my shopping list and let her loose. She always gets done faster than I do! Thanks for prompting my own little trip down memory lane. So glad we’re neighbors at Coffee for Your Heart today.

    1. Lois, I’ll be sending my fast mover with her own list before I know it! Time flies! I’m so glad to connect with you!

  16. I am laughing and crying at the same time! I have been there and even though my kids can buckle, and walk in the stores it is still a huge undertaking! I had to go to the store today and return ONE thing, we walked out an hour later! :-) :-) Love your encouragement, it serves as a great and sweet reminder! Thanks so much for sharing this on Making Memories Mondays!! :-) Hope to see you back on Sunday!
    Cathy

  17. Great post and so true, life is crazy, competitive and easy to be self absorbed by comparing our self if we are not careful. Stopping by from Grace & Truth Link Up Party. Carrie, A Mother’s Shadow

  18. Micah, thank you for echoing (and, thus, keeping me company in) so much of what’s been on my mind and heart lately! Stopping by from the Grace and Truth Link Up…blessings on your week, and may the grocery store be kind to you!

  19. This is so, so important! I think we’d all be in a much better place if we just supported one another and quit worrying what others think. I’m expecting my first child in September, and I know I’ll need this encouragement in the upcoming months. Thank you!

    1. Leesha! Congratulations! Just keep your eyes on Jesus and don’t worry about rushing. You’re going to be a great mommy!

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