He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not
Here a boy, there a boy, everywhere I look, a boy. I remember too well the way my teenage crush would change by the day, hour and minute. I wanted to find “the one” and settle into a strong relationship, but my mind and opinion of guys would change more than once a day.
At some point, I grew out of my fickle feelings of hopping carelessly from one crush to another and I passionately surrendered my heart to my sparkly blue-eyed sweetheart.
Much like my feelings of here a boy, there a boy, everywhere I look a boy, my feelings for God go up and down like a roller coaster too. Some days I want to get up early. I make big Bible reading goals and plan to spend quality time talking with God about my life and interceding for my friends who are hurting. Then there are other days. By the time I get out of bed and get moving I give God a high-five and expect Him to walk with me, bless me, take care of me and give me indescribable peace and wisdom. Oh, how fickle and foolish I can be.
The amazing part about my relationship with God is that He forgives me on my fickle days. He loves me when I don’t take time for Him. He cares for me when I am not the most caring. He gives me affection when I display a cold shoulder. When I don’t take time to listen, He waits for me to talk to Him. When I am ready to talk, He hears my prayers and in spite of my sin, He answers me. When I try to do everything myself and don’t depend on Him, He lovingly corrects me and guides me toward humility reminding me to surrender my heart to Him.
Rather than hopping through life with my pigtails swaying with every step, I want to grow up and grow out of a fickle relationship with God. I’m slowly learning the key to loving God is a passionately surrendered heart. Much like I had to grow up and learn how to focus my attention, affection, love and affirmation on one man in my life, I also have to learn to focus my entire heart, soul and mind on God.
If I could just be more disciplined, surrendered and obedient, I would not have foolish moments of regret and shame. Although I know the key to complete surrender, sometimes I make the wrong choice. My fickle feelings cause me to wrestle with what I know is right and I am faced with temptation, sin, and regret.
Here’s what I am thankful for today:
1. God loves me in spite of me and my sin.
2. God listens to me when I don’t listen.
3. God talks to me when I desperately need advice.
4. God draws me close to Him when I haven’t been the most obedient.
My relationship with God is truly the most amazing relationship I’ve ever had. Even though I fail and my feelings are fickle, He loves me. When He chose to love you and me, it was forever. I want to love Him like that.
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love. By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has seen God at any time; if we love one another, God abides in us, and His love is perfected in us. By this we know that we abide in Him and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit. We have seen and testify that the Father has sent the Son to be the Savior of the world. Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. We have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us. God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this, love is perfected with us, so that we may have confidence in the day of judgment; because as He is, so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. We love, because He first loved us. I John 4:7-19(NASB)
Lord, help us to love you like you love us. Help us to grow up into your love.
Love & Blessings,
Micah