Coping With Loss Through the Holidays
Losing a loved one is one of the hardest things many people ever walk through on this earth. When you lose someone that you love, there are no words to describe the loss. People try to put words to it by saying things like:
I’m so sorry.
I understand.
Your loss is heaven’s gain.
In time you will feel better.
But I am learning more and more that time does not necessarily heal this type of loss. And the truth is no one can completely understand your grief because they aren’t you. Complete peace and restoration will only come on the other side of eternity.
If the tears don’t dry up and the holidays only make things more complicated, I want to encourage you to look for the day when the tears will finally be wiped away.
And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. Revelation 21:4(KJV)
When you walk into a room and grief hits you unannounced or you sit down at the table and feel the tears emerging, I pray you’ll be comforted by your loved ones memory. Think about the good times, the laughs, the hugs. For me it’s the smell of certain foods, the moments of waiting for dessert, and the quiet moments in the afternoon when the family gathers but isn’t quite complete. That’s when I recall the loss and my heart hurts again.
Do not allow guilt to accompany grief. Missing your loved one, no matter how long it has been, is a good indication that they made a beautiful impact in this world. God gave them to this world to make a difference with their time on earth and I’m sure you could testify of the lasting impression they left on your heart.
Honor them.
Remember them.
And cry.
It’s okay to cry.
God gave us tears and He says to call on Him when we need comfort.
In the day of my trouble I shall call upon You, For You will answer me. Psalm 86:7(NASB)
The troubles of my heart are enlarged; Bring me out of my distresses. Psalm 25:17(NASB)
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1(KJV)
Take the time you need to grieve. There is no time limit or stop watch ready to buzz if you can’t quite get it together. God is with you through the ups and downs.
Yes, life will go on, but no, you don’t have to leave your loved one’s legacy behind. Embrace the memories and remember.
If the holidays make you remember the losses in your life, take the time you need to mourn and grieve the losses. No matter how long it has been, there will always be things that ignite tears immediately. This is the way God made us. Emotions make up a big part of who we are.
Everyone deals with grief differently and the following tips may not be exactly what helps you, but I would love to hear what does.
These are things that help me when grief returns again:
1. Tell someone in your life how much you miss your loved one.
2. Tell stories about the good memories.
3. Look through old pictures.
4. Make their favorite meal or dessert.
5. Honor them. No, they aren’t here, but there’s something healing about remembering their life.
So teach us to number our days, That we may present to You a heart of wisdom. Psalm 90:12(NASB)
Things not to do:
1. Don’t push the emotional surges down.
2. Don’t seclude yourself for long periods of time.
3. Don’t relive the bad memories over and over.
4. Don’t pretend like you are fine, when your heart is aching inside.
5. Don’t avoid getting support.
Wherever you are on your journey of grief, God wants to comfort and love you through it. Seek support and get the help you need. You are not alone in your grief.
And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever. John 14:16(KJV)
Honor your loved one, by sharing this with someone you love.
If you relate or would like to share the way you cope with loss through the holidays, share your thoughts below. Your words might be exactly what someone else needs to hear.
Love & Blessings,
Micah