Why Worry?

Worry is not desirable, yet I often choose it, even fight for it.

I actually despise the feeling I get deep in my gut when something is disturbing my normal. It’s hard to articulate exactly what ignites this feeling. Sometimes it only takes a word, a sight, a smell or a sound to bring up memories of past problems that make me feel physically ill. The feelings of worry are familiar.

I don’t want to feel this way, but I don’t know how to escape. If I could break free from worry I would feel so much better. The weight of worry weighs me down. I do not know if I can take it another day.

I kissed my sweet baby goodbye wondering if it would be the last time I would look into her precious eyes. I watched as they rolled her bed into the sterile room.

I made my way to waiting room and I worried. I prayed in that waiting room, but I still worried. I took my desires before the throne of God, but I still held on to my worries. I worried about the “what ifs.” What if it was the last time? What if God was going to take her? What if something goes wrong? What if her body doesn’t comply with the procedure? I worried. I prayed. I worried some more.

I wanted to give it to God. I thought by praying that I was doing the right thing. Looking back, I realize my prayer though sincere, was lacking.

If I truly believed and trusted that God was in control of the situation I would not have worried. Although I know it’s natural to worry in uncertain circumstances, God is not natural. He is supernatural. He is beyond what our human minds can comprehend.

He knows what every moment of our life will look like before it happens. When problems, trials and loss breech our hopeful plans, He is not surprised, in shock or caught off guard.

When I worry I am saying, I don’t fully trust that God knows every detail. My mind says He does, but reality makes me question. The thoughts that fill my mind say that it is natural for a mother to be filled with care and concern for her child. If I’m honest my care and concern goes much farther and distinctively resembles a word that I don’t like to admit, worry.

I have a confession. My name is Micah and I worry. It’s not something I’m proud of or want, but it’s true.

There have been times that I have completely released control and allowed God to fully comfort me. It’s those times that make me realize how often I struggle clinging tightly to my own control. I know I should trust. I know I should let go. It’s difficult.

I glance down at my hands that are clenched tightly to my own desires and my white knuckles remind me of my humanness. If I could just relax and trust God, I could be at rest. Why do I fight? Why do I worry?

If the Holy Spirit dwells within my human body, when I clench my fists and tighten my jaw I begin to fight with the strength that indwells my own being. If I give over control, the power and presence of the Holy Spirit literally lifts the load of my worry. He already knows the outcome. He already sees my tomorrow. Why do I fight the strength that lives within me?

I am thankful for the supernatural, powerful comforting presence of God. I will still have moments (maybe even days) of unnecessary worry, but when I see my white knuckles I will remember to stop fighting. I will allow the Holy Spirit to do the lifting and I will rest in the fullness of His glory and peace.

Fighting is exhausting. Resting brings peace. Why worry?

For in Him dwelleth all the fullness of the Godhead bodily. And ye are complete in Him, which is the head of all principality and power. Philippians 2:9-10

No matter what you are facing today, God’s power and peace is accessible to you. Let go of the gut wrenching pain that goes along with worry and rest in the presence of God. He already knows your tomorrow.

What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. Psalm 56:3

But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19

Love & Blessings,

Micah

P.S. My sweet girl’s procedure was routine and I have kissed her precious face a million times since.