When You Need To Be Held
I recently visited a childhood landmark and I wanted to share the experience with you. I pray you are encouraged.
As I stand at the back of the old auditorium and take a deep breath, I remember. I can hear the sound of the preacher’s voice and remember the conviction that would pour over my childhood soul. I wanted to love Jesus with all my heart, but even then, as a little girl, I knew I failed Him.
I remember the familiar smell and the sight of the old wooden pews that seemed to go on and on. And then it hit me. Right up there, on the far right front pew is where I met Jesus for the very first time. I knew His life story, I knew many songs about Him, and I had even memorized a long list of scripture verses from His Word. But on a Sunday night many years ago as I listened to my daddy preach, I knew I needed more than knowledge about Him. I needed to know Jesus personally.
I knelt on the rough, blue carpet, pressed my knees in deep and told God that I wanted Jesus in my heart as my personal friend. In my childish mind I imagined Jesus at the door knocking and me running to open it. He walked in and held me. Today He continues to hold me as I think back on the past.
My dad, who once stood at the old brown pulpit with the cross at the center, and allowed the Holy Spirit to speak through him, is no longer in my life. It’s been over twenty-seven years since I’ve heard him preach or even looked into his eyes. He chose a different path, went another way, and abandoned the little girl who knelt on the old, blue carpet.
I don’t know why daddy left, but I do know this – Jesus has never stopped holding me, not one day. He held me then, when as a little girl and my sensitive heart swelled with tears big enough to consume my rosy cheeks, and He holds me now as the tears trickle down the same face smeared with years of questions.
I feel like God gave me an answer today. A reminder of His love for me.
He said:
I held you then, I hold you today.
Even though some have gone astray.
So dry your tears and stand up tall.
Let no evil come to call.
Remember the day I came into your life,
The way I held you through the strife.
Think of my love, protection, and grace,
And wipe those tears away from your face.
You’re stronger now and wiser too,
No one can take Me away from you.
I’m here to stay and always will,
So let me hold you, my child, be still.
I’m not sure what you face today or what you’ve been through in the past, but I do know this – Jesus is there to hold you and love you through it. Be still and let Him.
Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit. Psalm 51:12(KJV)
If you’ve been through a trial that God has carried you through, share it in the comments. If you are in the midst of a difficult time, share your burden and you will be prayed for this week. God is able to comfort the broken.
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18(ESV)
Love & Blessings,
Micah
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I was married for 19yrs. Many mistakes were made over those years and the divorce was final December 11 2015. I never wanted the divorce and still do not. My family is broken and I never ever wanted that for any of us. Jesus saved me from the rock bottom of the grief and pain at the end of November and I was baptized again on Valentine’s Day. I think past childhood trauma for both my husband and myself was at the core of our divorce and I have found wonderful healing with God (and the help of good counseling). My daughter is still suffering in the typical teenage way. She feels abandoned and like her dad would rather be with his GF than her. I know he is having a hard time and is very confused. He feels like he made terrible mistakes and had hurt us so bad that we are better off without him. I know this is true by the way he looks – he has lost at least 40lbs and looks terrible. Dark circles under his eyes, sends me texts at all times of the night because he cannot sleep. He says he is so confused and feels like he is just sleepwalking through life and his life no longer has meaning. I told him I forgive all and am willing to work on our marriage and give 1000% to it working. I told him to pray and Jesus will welcome him with open arms. He just says he does and he sleeps with his bible. I told him he needs to read it. He needs to give it all to the Lord and trust in him! I haven’t heard mush from him in the last few days. I pray God will work a miracle and restore our marriage and Family. I pray the the Lord will give my former husband love and comfort and show him that He is the Savior and can do all things. My former Husband is worth everything but it will never work until he turns to God and accepts His help. Nothing in this world, no amount of money or beautiful Girlfriends or fancy cars or vacations can fill the whole he is trying to fill in his heart. Only God can heal that wound and unconditional love of family. Please pray for him that he will turn to God and open his heart and that my family is restored.
This article just broke my heart for you and made me think of my own daughter and her struggles. I am going to write down your letter for her so she will never forget how much God loves her if you do not mind.
Aimee, I will pray for you and your family right now. God is able to mend the brokenness and make something more beautiful than anything we can imagine. I pray He does that for you and your precious daughter. I will pray for your husbands complete spiritual healing, that he would submit his heart to God and allow the Holy Spirit to transfer his life. I’m so sorry for what you are going through! I will pray for all of you this week! Of course share anything I write with your sweet daughter. That’s why I write. I pray it encourages her.
Hi Micah. My name is Bayleigh. I’m not sure if you’d remember me, but I have two older sisters you went to Temple with. I remember you singing a song in my Sunday school class one time. I still sing it to myself sometimes. I never knew that you too had a father that left. My dad left us when I was about seven for another woman. At the time, it didn’t register as very significant. But as a 20 year old, I look back over the years and am wracked with heart ache. He took all of my self esteem with him. I have always looked for my worth in guys or in looks and that’s fallen short every time. I remember in highschool wondering why no guys, including my father, ever seemed to want me. He’s come back a few times and apologized and vowed to be there for me again, and again failed. This has been really weighing on me recently. I haven’t forgiven him and I don’t know how. It’s been almost 2 years now that I’ve talked to him, and 11 since I’ve seen him. I think about it every day. It causes me so much anxiety and anger and pain. I’m angry for being abandoned and that he broke our family, but I also worry about him. I worry one day I’ll get a call that he’s gone and I will have not have made peace with him. I want him to want to love me again. And I have a very hard time with allowing God to be my father. I see this as a time in my life that God is going to get me through, but sitting in the middle of it is tiring and I need to be held. This really helped me, and it was just the encouragement I needed. Thank you for this, and for using the abilities God has given you to reach out and help people. -Bayleigh.
Sweet Bayleigh. Yes, I remember you! Gosh. It’s terrible to have to go through something so difficult isn’t it. As I read your words, I totally get it. I know that daily thought process and the way it makes you feel. I also completely understand the feeling of “getting the call.” It’s been a long process for me and I’m still processing. I think it’s a lifelong journey really. Forgiving is such a huge part of the healing process. And it’s a continual forgiveness that I deal with. When it comes up and bothers me again, I have to forgive again, and again, and again. I know how exhausting it is to sit where you sit. I pray you will find the peace and hope you need to sift through the tough days. It’s okay to cry about it. I’ll tell you the biggest thing that helped me was when I realized that my life would never be what I imagined it should be. But guess what! Somehow God has allowed it to be better than I imagined in a different way. It’s not that God gave me back what I wanted or mended relationships the way I thought, but He has healed my heart through His Word in ways I never imagined possible. Keep seeking Him and allowing Him to hold you through this. I will be praying for you! Hugs!!!
Micah, as I read your story, many thoughts went through my mind. I’m so glad that the Love of God comforted you then, and has continued to comfort you. I’ve read your story and am so thankful that the Lord brought your wonderful step-Dad to love your mother and you. As an older woman, who has been a child of God since age eight, I have lived 51 years of the Lord’s faithfulness since that day Christ saved me. People will disappoint us and fail us. Those nearest and dearest may leave us, as my first husband did. After 17 years of marriage, he left with only a note on the kitchen table. Our son was only 9 years old. (That was a classy touch, don’t you think?) Smiles! When he finally did talk with me about why he had left, he said that he had only been playing a part and was never really a Christian. He said he felt he deserved to spend the rest of his life pleasing himself. I know that people leave for many reasons, some were never saved, some have mental illness, some believe satan’s lies that his way is better. But, one truth stands secure and that is God’s love for us will always remain. When we are a true, born again child of God, He will always be our faithful, loving Father. Do you know what I would say to you with those unanswered questions remaining about why your dad left? This is not to minimize or trivialize your pain, but I would say to you that God removes those things from our lives that shouldn’t be there. He gives us every good and perfect gift. And yes, we do feel pain as the things that shouldn’t be in our lives are being removed. This is not heaven. It is a sinful, fallen world. The greatest freedom from pain is to cast everything that has happened into God’s loving arms and to really trust and believe that God has chosen what is best for us. I would go back and tell that little girl who had just invited Jesus into her heart that now God is her Father. For then, for now, and for always. This is a Heavenly Father who will never leave.
One of the most beautiful experiences is when we are able not only to forgive the person who left, (which I’m sure you’ve done, Micah), but when we are able to Thank God That They Left!!
Through the 33 years since my first husband left, I have joyfully been able to thank God that he left! God helps us not to re-visit our painful past, except when we can use it to be a blessing and encouragement to others. God helps us to praise Him for those painful things that we don’t understand. I must mention that I also praise God for my precious born again, Christian husband of 26 years! I praise Him that my son, at age 43, along with his family are living for Christ. Yes, God is faithful. We can trust Him. He is a loving Father.
I’m also praying for the dear woman who wrote to you about her ex-husband leaving and for the pain that she and her daughter have. May she experience God’s comfort, and may she also know that it may be God’s best for them that the man left. No good gift and no perfect gift will God withhold from those who are in Christ Jesus. Blessings, Bev
Oh Bev, It’s obvious that you know the pain our family has experienced. I’m so sorry for all you have endured. But yes, like you, I have learned to forgive and even thank God for the undesired situations of life. It’s beautiful when God’s mercy shines through the mess. I’m so thankful for our faithful Father! Thank you for being so vulnerable to share your story with me! Your words are sincere and touched me deeply.
Over the last several months, I’ve learned enough life lessons to last an entire year. People, even Christians, will hurt you deeply…and sometimes, they will do it intentionally. I’ve learned that sometimes God thinks it best to allow a 19 year old to go home to be with Him. I’ve learned that life is not always black and white. I’ve learned what it’s is like to feel hurt and bitterness, and yes, even hatred toward someone. I’ve learned that sin really is only fun for a short season, and everything everyone has ever told me about how it hurts is true. I’ve learned what it’s like to be angry at God, and I’ve learned what it’s like to feel completely alone.
…BUT, I can honestly say that I’m learning to forgive like I never have before. I’m learning that God picks up the broken pieces and holds me close when I finally return to Him. He doesn’t push me away. I’m learning that His ways are so much higher than mine. I’m learning that a relationship with Him, and His healing comes one day at a time. His grace is sufficient for right now in this very moment. I’m learning what His love and forgiveness really are…it’s loving and forgiving a people who won’t apologize and won’t love Him back. I’m learning what it’s like to be humbled, and I’m learning what it’s like to be held. Oh, there are days when it’s still REALLY hard to deal with it all, but God has never left me and He’s holding me right now.
Thanks for the reminder Mrs. Micah!
Victoria, you made me cry as read all that God is doing in your life. It’s terrible to have to go through tough stuff, but amazing to see God in the midst of the junk. I love you girl and will continue praying for you! You’re right. God has never left you and I pray you will continue to know that He is with you every step of the way! Hugs!
After 7 years in a relationship & 5 short years of marriage my 3 girls & I have been living separately from my husband for the past 3 weeks. Although I believe he loves The Lord, I don’t think he has trusted Him & surrendered his life to Him. He struggles with alcoholism & it has taken control of the man I love. I have been praying for him & us daily. I want my husband healed of this & both of us to share a life surrendered to the Lord. At some point every day I wonder what direction the Lord is taking us/me in. It’s hard to sit, be still & wait. But I trust Him & will do just that.
Katie, I will pray for you and your family today! Keep trusting!
Hey Micah. Jordan Fowler here. Your story impacts me deeply because I was there with you. I remember those times and I remember how deeply your dad affected me back then. His sermons on eagles gave me a life long affinity for those great birds. Isaiah 40:31 has forever been my favorite verse.
Little did we know back then how God could take such a dark and broken situation and make such joy and peace out of it. But my 36 years have shown me for certain that Romans 8:28 is so very true. All things work together.
Thank you for that touching post. I haven’t read your blog before but I hope to keep up with it now. I saw the picture from Facebook and I instantly knew what I was looking at. Thank you!
Jordan, it was so good to see your mom when I stopped through the area. You’re right, little did we know what God would do. It’s amazing, isn’t it?! I’m so thankful to know that you and your family are serving the Lord after all these years! Give the family my love.
It’s amazing how God works! I wrote a post to join with #livefreeThursday this past week. It didn’t turn out anything like I’d planned. The thoughts and words came together to tell the story of a little girl who’s dad left her and how unworthy it made her feel……made me feel. Now God has gifted me through you with the reminder once again that all things DO work together for good!
Yes, they do! Sometimes it’s takes years, but ultimately God’s glory will be revealed.
Wow Micah- what a beautiful story. I loved this. I’m so thankful for a God who holds us! He restores and renews doesn’t He?? You’re welcome to read this story on my blog, http://www.shannongeurin.com but God restored my marriage due to infidelity that almost nearly destroyed us. I’m so thankful He holds us even when we don’t deserve to be held! Only by grace.
You are beautiful and have such a gift for writing!
xoShannon
Thank you, Shannon! I look forward to reading your story and getting to know you better! Yes! Only by grace!!
Thank you for sharing your story, Micah. And for the reminder God still holds us. What a comforting thought. #LiveFree
Micah, your words are so inviting and make me feel as if I’m sitting right across the table from you. Thank you for such a great reminder how He holds us even when others in our life have gone astray. #livefree
Laura, great to see you here! Thanks for your encouragement!
Micah ~ this is beautiful! I am continually in awe of God and how he holds us through every trial. I’ve felt His comforting arms around me many times – and I can see that you have, too! Blessings to you sweet friend! You’re words are reaching many!
I don’t know how I stumbled across your blog but I’m grateful. I’ve never been happy. I’ve spent more time wallowing in self pity than praising God for the family He’s given me and the blessings around us. Lately I’ve been so worried about crime and hate and politics. I can’t shake the injustices of our world, the suffering of the innocent. I feel like I pray for clarity and the clouds get worse. I don’t know if I’ve repented properly, if I’ve “followed the rules” of praying (on my knees, talking to God all day during every day things)…I’m filled with doubt. I read the Bible but I don’t “get” it. I pray for understanding. I want to be closer to God and not worry and love more and especially, I pray that my children (2 with autism) will understand God. I feel like I’m failing them because they don’t understand. I’m worried, too, about my husband. Who was raised in Judaism and truly believes that he is “chosen” and if he’s just good here on Earth he “will get in”. I’m here pouring through your words for ideas and guidance. Thank you, Mrs. Maddox!