Hope for the Depressed Woman: Week 1
I am excited to start a new series this week! For the next few weeks I will be sharing my personal experience with depression. I don’t share this to glorify myself or to give medical or physical advice (I’m not a doctor or counselor), but I share from a deep place of my heart that once ached with feelings that I could not understand. God has freed me from depression and I hope sharing my personal experience will encourage you if you have struggled in this area of life.
Depression: Week 1 – SLOW DOWN
I hung up the phone and dropped to the floor as if someone had died. Even the flies in the room froze in a moment of silence. The sobbing was uncontrollable. Barely able to catch my breath I crawled to the living room as I tried to get myself together. My little girl toddled over to me and plopped into my lap.
“Mama sad?” She said.
“No, Mama’s ok, baby. Mama’s ok.”
My brain was muddy and my eyes were glazed. I could barely remember what day it was. I picked up the phone and texted my husband one simple sentence,
That sentence has gone down in the books as a moment of history in our family. I was anything but okay in that moment. I was a woman on the very edge of a major break down.
I felt like everything in my world was spinning so fast. I had tried for a very long time to keep up, and somehow managed to keep things in some sort of order, but I was quickly crumbling beneath the weight of my life. Life looked good from the outside. I had two little girls and an amazing husband. We had recently purchased our first home. Basically, I had everything except the white picket fence. It was brown.
The front door squeaked as Rob, my sweet husband opened it. He came in quickly only to find me crying, sitting in the fetal position rocking back and forth. It was like a scary movie. I’m sure at this moment he was probably thinking where is my wife and what did you do with her. I was a complete mess of tears and despair.
He held me as my body thrashed with every tear and I cried like I never had before. I tried to gather my emotions and stand to my feet, but I dropped to the floor again in an uncontrollable emotional fit. I could not verbalize what was going through my mind. I wanted my husband to help me snap out of it, to fix the broken parts of me, or tell me it was okay to feel so crazy.
It was never my intention to become someone who was completely out of my mind, but in this moment I wondered what in the world was wrong with me. Why was I such a basket case? Sometimes life brings difficult circumstances that drag us to a deep place, and other times we cause the craziness by over committing and filling up our schedule. There are other times in life when we can’t quite put our finger on the problem. Tears, sadness, feeling down…
It was official, I was depressed.
Between the hormonal changes of a new baby, some difficult family issues, and living life at the constant pace of hurry, I had officially taken myself to the edge of a mental and emotional breakdown.
We all have seasons of life when we need to take a break, rest or retreat for a little while. It could be a major change, loss, health issues, an emotional need, or just the mundane of a busy life. If you are constantly rushing ahead to the next thing, take it from a sister who pushed forward a little too long, SLOW DOWN! It is okay to say no. It is okay to not attend every event. It is okay to order pizza for dinner and use paper plates. It is okay to cry. It is okay to not do it all. It is okay to not feel okay.
Take a deep breath and slow down. Be home. Rest.
The phone call that sent me to the floor was not an earth shattering call, but it hit me at a fragile moment when I didn’t even know that I was fragile. If you think, “It could never happen to me,” be careful. I thought the same thing. We all need rest. So go ahead, slow down and rest.
If you are in the midst of crying fits, fetal positions and thoughts that make you wonder what’s wrong with you, there is hope! I pray this series will be an encouragement and help to you! You, my dear friend, are going to be okay!
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30 (KJV)
One lesson I have learned that has kept me from returning to the fetal position on the living room floor is to slow down and go to Jesus. Rest is found in Jesus alone. Depression tells us we are crazy. Jesus tells us we need rest.
Love & Blessings,
Micah
If this is an encouragement to you, pass it on! You don’t have to hide behind your white picket fence and squeaky screen door. There is hope! I hope you’ll join me again next Sunday night as I share another peak inside my own experience with depression and the lessons God taught me along the way.
Don’t forget to share this with someone you love!