Coping With Loss Through the Holidays
Losing a loved one is one of the hardest things many people ever walk through on this earth. When you lose someone that you love, there are no words to describe the loss. People try to put words to it by saying things like:
I’m so sorry.
I understand.
Your loss is heaven’s gain.
In time you will feel better.
But I am learning more and more that time does not necessarily heal this type of loss. And the truth is no one can completely understand your grief because they aren’t you. Complete peace and restoration will only come on the other side of eternity.
If the tears don’t dry up and the holidays only make things more complicated, I want to encourage you to look for the day when the tears will finally be wiped away.
And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. Revelation 21:4(KJV)
When you walk into a room and grief hits you unannounced or you sit down at the table and feel the tears emerging, I pray you’ll be comforted by your loved ones memory. Think about the good times, the laughs, the hugs. For me it’s the smell of certain foods, the moments of waiting for dessert, and the quiet moments in the afternoon when the family gathers but isn’t quite complete. That’s when I recall the loss and my heart hurts again.
Do not allow guilt to accompany grief. Missing your loved one, no matter how long it has been, is a good indication that they made a beautiful impact in this world. God gave them to this world to make a difference with their time on earth and I’m sure you could testify of the lasting impression they left on your heart.
Honor them.
Remember them.
And cry.
It’s okay to cry.
God gave us tears and He says to call on Him when we need comfort.
In the day of my trouble I shall call upon You, For You will answer me. Psalm 86:7(NASB)
The troubles of my heart are enlarged; Bring me out of my distresses. Psalm 25:17(NASB)
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1(KJV)
Take the time you need to grieve. There is no time limit or stop watch ready to buzz if you can’t quite get it together. God is with you through the ups and downs.
Yes, life will go on, but no, you don’t have to leave your loved one’s legacy behind. Embrace the memories and remember.
If the holidays make you remember the losses in your life, take the time you need to mourn and grieve the losses. No matter how long it has been, there will always be things that ignite tears immediately. This is the way God made us. Emotions make up a big part of who we are.
Everyone deals with grief differently and the following tips may not be exactly what helps you, but I would love to hear what does.
These are things that help me when grief returns again:
1. Tell someone in your life how much you miss your loved one.
2. Tell stories about the good memories.
3. Look through old pictures.
4. Make their favorite meal or dessert.
5. Honor them. No, they aren’t here, but there’s something healing about remembering their life.
So teach us to number our days, That we may present to You a heart of wisdom. Psalm 90:12(NASB)
Things not to do:
1. Don’t push the emotional surges down.
2. Don’t seclude yourself for long periods of time.
3. Don’t relive the bad memories over and over.
4. Don’t pretend like you are fine, when your heart is aching inside.
5. Don’t avoid getting support.
Wherever you are on your journey of grief, God wants to comfort and love you through it. Seek support and get the help you need. You are not alone in your grief.
And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever. John 14:16(KJV)
Honor your loved one, by sharing this with someone you love.
If you relate or would like to share the way you cope with loss through the holidays, share your thoughts below. Your words might be exactly what someone else needs to hear.
Love & Blessings,
Micah
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I remember when I used to think that the “right words” could be helpful to someone who was grieving – that all they needed was the right Scripture verse or insight about God. That was a long time ago, but I’m still working on my understanding that sometimes just being with someone is the best comfort, that prayer is a huge gift to a hurting heart even if the one who is hurting is not aware that I am praying, and that sometimes we just don’t ever completely “get over” the things we suffer, but instead just keep trusting God for the next step on this broken ground.
Your words are, as usual, very practical and yet very God exalting.
Blessings.
Michele, a friend recently told me the best thing to say is, “There are no words.” I think that sums it up nicely. I don’t know that there is a hard fast rule but I’m learning that sometimes the things I want to say are not the best things to say. You’re right, praying through the journey… Thank you for your joining in!
Wise words here, neighbor. The first holidays are the worst but slowly things get a bit easier. But grieving is never really over. Thanks for these encouraging words. May God bless all who are grieving this season and blessings to you and yours!
I’ve heard the first are the worst, but I’ve heard from others that even after years and years the sting of death can hit terribly hard. Thinking of many who will endure the loss again this week and the next and the next.
Hi, Micah, I stumbled across your post through web surfing and was so pleasantly surprised to see an old college friend! What a blessing to see you serving the Lord with your writing. God bless you! ~Amy Meyers
Hi Amy! It’s amazing to see the paths God has led each of us down! Your family is beautiful! I’m so glad we happened to run into each other :)
MIcah, thank you. My dad died 4 months ago, my little grandson 2 months ago. These holidays will be hard, no doubt about it. But I know that laughter and joy will be our lifeline.
God is good, He is faithful, and He does not change …
I am grateful.
Linda, your words are powerful from a tender grieving heart. Thank you for sharing your heart!
Well said, Micah! I am so glad you published this post. These types of times always make loss more difficult. Some of what you suggest remind me of a wonderful little book,The Empty Chair, which looks at this issue of loss and the holidays. I think we also too often forget that each loss is unique for each one of us because each relationship is different. No one knows exactly how we feel or why, but that doesn’t mean we cannot listen, give hugs, and provide a person with what most might bless them. Blessings on your day and week ahead! Pam
Yes, I’ve heard of that book! I need to get it. And so true, every loss is unique. Thank you so much for chiming in! I know your words will help someone.
“Embrace the memories and remember.”
Yes, these are the things that will bring us joy. Thank you for these words today!
Thank you for stopping by, Angie.
Such important words to share Micah – thank you. It is so hard to face times that bring painful memories to the surface. I have found it helps to let the people I am with know my struggles just simply by sharing that I miss *** but then be sure to let them know I am thankful to be with them. I have learned that my priority needs to be the precious ones I am blessed to be with and they need to feel as important as those who are missing :) That simple mind shift helps me to focus on today but also honor yesterday. So thankful to be your #TestimonyTuesday neighbor today :)
Hi Micah, I’m glad I found your post on Titus 2 Tuesdays. It was just what I needed as I’m preparing for the holidays with a bittersweet feeling. Thank you for reminding me to focus on that time when there will be no more tears. Your words have blessed me. :-)
I found your blog on “Teaching what is good.” It was timely, in that dear friends suffered losses of their sons, and this season is difficult, difficult, difficult! and I hope to share this with them, if they give me an opening.
Thank you!
Micah, this is an excellent post. I’m sorry for your loss, not sure if it’s recent. But surely many are also feeling grief at this time of year. My dear dad lost His wife almost a year ago. These are excellent, practical suggestions to honor our loved ones, and honor our grief for them. So important.
Micah, This post is so needed. I was just thinking of a friend who lost a loved one a couple years ago, knowing this holiday gathering would be another of THOSE moments. I love that you included practical ideas for how to honor their legacy and find comfort. I’ll be passing this one along! Thank you.
I just lost my mom & my best friend 7 weeks ago, and the pain is so terribly deep and raw that at times I feel I cannot breath. So for me, & my dad (and 1 of my 3 sisters), we cannot celebrate this year bc ALL of our family traditions have been created by my mother and the pain of the holidays just makes us feel worse. Each and every day for ME, is a struggle, as I was my moms caretaker for the last 2 1/2 yrs and I was the one in the trenches of her battle with her. I cannot seem to be thankful during the WORST TIME OF MY LIFE!
Tara, the thought of what you are going through takes my breath away. Prayers for you, your sister and dad today. There are no words…
This is such great encouragement with Christmas coming up. My dad was battling stage 4 lung cancer last year. He lives in another state so I was no able to be there with him in the end. I received the call about an hour after my girls left to go to their dads on Christmas Day last year that he had passed away. Even though I was expecting him to pass any day it was hard to hear that it was on Christmas Day. I pray for all those who are going through something similar.
Casey, my heart sunk while reading this. I cannot imagine. Thank you for praying for others! What a wonderful picture of your heart. And I will pray for you today! Love & Blessings to you, Casey!