10 Things TO SAY to a Depressed Woman

by August 31, 2015

We have been talking about depression for a few weeks. If you missed it, here are some posts in the series Hope For the Depressed Woman that you might like:

10 Things NOT to Say to a Depressed Woman
Week 1: Slow Down
Week 2: Breaking the Silence
Week 3: Medication or Meditation
Week 4: Triggers and Tips for Success
Week 5: Running Away Sounds Divine

1. I’m here.

Say it tenderly and mean it. Then be there.

2. I care about you.

Say it and show it.

3. I love you.

Mean it and act on it.

4. I am here if you want or need to talk.

Let her talk and listen intently. Do not try to “fix” her, just listen.

5. You are beautiful.

Depression can make you feel ugly in more ways than one. Let her know she is still beautiful in your eyes.

6. You are a good ______. (fill in the blank)

Failure will resound in her mind as she falls deeper into depression. Remind her of her strengths.

7. It is okay if you need to rest.

Tell her and then provide an opportunity for her to get the rest she desperately needs. Do not just offer to watch the kids and make dinner. Plan a time and tell her you are dropping off dinner and taking the kids out. If you simply offer to help, she probably will not take you up on the offer.

8. Come out with me.

Take her out. She needs to be around people although she might say she does not want to be around anyone.

9. I have something for you.

Give her a thoughtful gift. A simple act of kindness says a lot to a depressed soul.

10. I am praying for you.

Do not just say, “I’m praying for you.” Put your arms around her and pray with her. She needs a strong spiritual support system that cares deeply about her and will not judge her, condemn her or give up on her.

Depression is difficult because it is so deceitful. A person deep in depression will convince themselves that everything someone says really meant something else. Lies will fill her mind until she will not take anything you say in the way it was meant to be heard.

So what do you do?

Be there. Hug her. Love her. Care for her. Be kind to her. Talk to her. Be gentle with her. Listen to her. Do not shut down on her. She needs you now more than ever. Pray for her. If she shuts down, continue to reach out and be there.

Depressed women do not need someone telling them to get a grip, they need a friend to walk with them through the valley.

Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. Ephesians 4:29(KJV)

I am so thankful for a faithful God who carried me when I felt like I could not make it another day.

I will lift up my eyes to the mountains;
From where shall my help come?
My help comes from the LORD,
Who made heaven and earth. Psalm 121:1-2(NASB)

If you are struggling with depression, please seek help.

If you know someone who is depressed, it is not time to walk away, shut down or give up. Be there and pray fervently. God knows every detail. Whether it is medical, physical, emotional, spiritual or a combination of reasons, help and hope is accessible.

Share HOPE with someone you love! Be there.

I would love to hear what you would add to this list. Leave your thoughts in the comments below.

Love & Blessings,

Micah

Don’t forget, if this has been an encouragement to you, please LIKE, COMMENT and SHARE it with someone you love!

Here is where I am sharing this post this week.

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About Micah Maddox

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    1. Candice, Thanks for joining the conversation. Listening can be difficult in our fast paced culture, but it’s so important.

  2. I just recently had a close friend going through a difficult time and she needed to hear many of the things on your list. I found that she just wanted to cut herself off and be alone but she needed her friends to help her get through the situation and thanked us tremendously when she was feeling better.As friends, it can feel awkward but it is so helpful! Great ideas!

  6. Thanks so much for this! What encouraging words…I especially loved: “Depressed women do not need someone telling them to get a grip, they need a friend to walk with them through the valley.”_ YES!

  7. What a life affirming blog post, such simple and profound things to say to a depressed friend..no doubt uplifting and encouraging to someone even in the midst of darkness! Visiting from nextdoor #smallwonders!

  8. These are wonderful and practical steps to impact our friends going through depression. As someone who has faced seasons of sorrow I see the benefit of each one of these suggestions. Thank you for getting the message out! One thing that really helped me was staying in community and choosing to worship in my darkest time. It was a huge part of my healing. Thanks again!

  9. As a woman who has depression, I want to share this with my friends, because I would so appreciate these things from them, but I think they’re uncomfortable with me because they’re not sure how to act, and maybe leary of being sucked in to someone else’s neediness. I’m hesitating because I’m afraid it will sound like criticism of them and might push them away. I know it would be useful to them for anyone else they know or meet with depression, but I’m still afraid of how it will affect my relationships with them.

    1. Sometimes people truly do not know what to say. I would encourage you to share this. You are not alone in needing these simple encouraging words. Even women who are not experiencing depression could use these!

    2. Dear sweetheart! I feel exactly the same way. I am in the center of a horrible darkness and all my friends have deserted me. I know I am sad to be around and they are not sure what to do. I would give anything for a hug and someone to say, “I’ll sit here with you.” You have my sincere prayers Nanette.

  11. Beautiful, Micah. Been there, done that battling with depression. And have seen how God can redeem that season in the pit in my own life.

    Thanks for gentle and kind words that encourage …

  12. As I read through your list I love the reminder to not just say some kind words or suggest something but actually follow through with the action. I am sure you will remember those times that someone acted on their kindness and how it lifted you up. Great advice for all!

  13. This is a very helpful list for a situation that is hard to know how to help. The one that has been helpful for me is “Come out with me.” Having something to look forward to and being with positive friends has often lifted my heart. Love linking with you today from Testimony Tuesday. You have a wonderful blog and I’ll connect with you on social media.

    1. Ginger, I’m so happy to connect with you! I’m so glad you joined the conversation! I look forward to connecting with you more!

  15. Great and sensitive list, Micah! The only thing I can think of to add might be to ask your depressed spouse how you can help them or how you can be a better support? Sometimes they have something very specific they need from us and inviting them to share might help to get that request out into the open, when it might have remained in hiding without the invitation. Thanks for this encouraging post that truly is spot on, my friend! Great to have you in the Wedded Wed linkup as well.

  16. I’m your neighbor from Suzie’s #livefree community. {DoAhead Woman :) } GREAT article. Simple but true. And simple is powerful. I WILL use this! Blessings to you Micah!

  17. Thank you for this. Last night my 27 year old daughter texted me of another break-up. There are reasons that cause this to happen, which are private, but it happens with every guy she’s really liked. She’s depressed and feels like no one will ever want her, and my mama heart breaks. When you babies hurt, you hurt, and the bigger they grow, the bigger the hurts, and the deeper the wounds. Good advice, and you kept it to the point.

  19. These are great ways to encourage people who have depression. I think a lot of people who are depressed feel they aren’t worthy of a friend who will stick by them. By continually reaching out, they show them that they are worthy, are loved, and are worth fighting for!

  20. Powerful, helpful, practical, and loving. Your compassion shines in your words. I keep going back to Job – when he had lost everything and was so afflicted and tormented, his friends came and sat with him for seven days and seven nights before saying a word. In every point you make, you emphasize coming alongside, being with —

    I am glad I was your neighbor today.

  21. This entire series has been so powerful. I think #7 of these is my favorite. I experience some form of depression during a long bout with chronic illness. My husband said that to me often and I still remember the way it made me feel. Love that you have been sharing so much wisdom in these posts!

    1. Thanks so much Christi! And thanks for sharing your own experience! So many are suffering in silence afraid to speak up. I admire you!

  22. My favorite part: Put your arms around her and pray with her. That’s pretty much everything, Micah. Action vs. Words. Faith is nothing without it. Thank you and great job on such an encouraging, motivating message!!

  23. Lovely! Pinning and tweeting! I have been on both ends of this. I agree not to give up. I do struggle, however, when someone lashes out. Supporting is very important, but so are our own boundaries. So I just ask God which portion to take, when to reach out and when to take space. I tried this past spring multiple times to reach out to a friend who was struggling, and I was gentle about it. Her expectations were that everyone was disappointing her by not being the person to fill her God-sized hole, so she lashed out repeatedly, and I felt unsafe. I am not afraid of people’s anger coming from pain, but sometimes it does cross a line of our own personal safety. Such a hard thing to balance. Thank goodness for prayer. LOVE this post! Blessings from #EspressosofFaith via #Mom2MomLinkup.

    1. Bonnie, it’s so true that hurting people, hurt people (many times without even realizing it). Boundaries are so important. Thanks so much for joining the conversation! I love what you bring to the table!

  26. I have suffered from depression for as long as I can remember. When I was 16 I tried to kill myself. Then again when I was 34. I wish others would understand what it truly means to suffer from depression. It’s a hard demon to fight and without the proper support it is so easy to be sent over the edge. This was me. Thank you for posting this and helping to shed the light on what one should say to those who suffer from them.

    1. I’m so sorry to hear what you have been through. I hope others will read and grasp the hope that is found in getting help and focussing on God’s hope.

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